25 Web Sites I Can’t Live Without

I first used the Internet in 1996 and have been hooked ever since.  Truthfully, my life has gradually moved more and more online and the majority of interactions I have throughout any given day are virtual.  The first site that ever became part of my life, like many people that have been online for more than ten years, was Yahoo.  I used it for e-mail, playing games, chatting with people (instant messenger) news and even as a search engine.

Today, I still use my original Yahoo e-mail address, but mostly as a spam box for the many things I sign up for every day online.  Yes it’s true, nary a day goes by I don’t sign up for at least one new web site.  Because I have signed up and used so many web sites, I have been able to uncover some that are absolutely invaluable to my life.  Perhaps it’s a catch-22, but for my career and lifestyle, it’s been a blessing.

Hopefully after looking through this list, you will find some sites that can add some true value to your life, or somehow make your job or life easier.  Feel free to add your own in the comments as I’m always on the lookout for great new sites.

#25 - ESPN - I’m sure everyone knows about this site, but if you care about sports AT ALL, it’s invaluable.  Great writers, comprehensive coverage, live updates and more.  I watch less and less sports each year, but when I want to know the latest in any sport, this is the place I go to.

#24 -  Wordpress - Ever since joining Myspace (which didn’t make this list because I stopped using it 6 months ago) in 2003, I became intrigued with blogging.  It took me a couple years to figure out that blogging on my own was far more valuable and rewarding than doing it for someone else, but now that I know, Wordpress has fast become one of my best friends.  I don’t spend time on the site per se, but each time I start a new blog or set one up for a client, my first thought is Wordpress.

#23 -  1&1 - Another site I don’t use much, but can’t do without.  I am a fanatic for buying domains and own around 75 of them.  The first few I bought were from MSN, Yahoo and GoDaddy, but since discovering 1&1, they have received ALL of my business.

#22 - Bluehost -  Hand in hand with domains is web hosting.  I’ve tried several companies, but have firmly stood by these guys for the last 2 years.  No one has been better.  No one offers more for the price.  Fantastic.

#21 - Meebo - I can’t even actually remember visiting this site one time in my life since it’s built into my #1 web site, but as an application, it is invaluable.  Have more than one instant messenger?  Tired of having to start up your instant messenger before using it?  Check out Meebo.  All five major instant messengers built into one web page, which means you can access them from any computer instead of just the ones your messengers are downloaded on.  The future of applications looks exactly like Meebo.

#20 - Fast Co. - I can’t even begin to say how much I love this site.  The only reason it isn’t further up on the list is because I’m a subscriber to the magazine.  If you are an entrepreneur, this is a must read.

#19 - Quantcast - As a marketing professional and a full-time blogger, understanding site statistics is a demanding necessity.  There are other sites that provide free traffic statistics, like Alexa and Compete, but none come close to Quantcast’s accuracy and depth of coverage.

#18 - LinkedIn - Just because I gave up on MySpace doesn’t mean I don’t like social networks.  Indeed, I have accounts on no less than 12 social networks (Yelp, Facebook, Hi-5, etc.), but I’ve grown up a little and find that business networking is far more valuable than simply socializing with friends.  If you are interested in building up your business network, there is no better place than LinkedIn.

#17 - Feedburner - If you have your own blog, you probably are interested in building up your subscription base.  The best way to optimize your feeds and receive traffic analysis for those reading your blogs, Feedburner is the gold standard.  They’ve recently been bought out by Google, so most of their services are even free now.

#16 - PartnerUp - Another great social network for business, PartnerUp focuses more on entrepreneurs looking for investors and vice versa.  I’ve networked with some great people here and look forward to finding many more business partners through this service.

#15 - Technorati - Another blogging must.  Technorati keeps track of all the vital traffic analysis you need to help you improve your blog.  Basically the search engine for blogs, Technorati ranks blogs from 1 to who knows, and is a great place to network with other bloggers or find others in your niche that you can market your blog to.

#14 - Omgili - Omgili stands for Oh My God I Love It.  It is the best search engine for forums.  As a blogger and marketer, this site is invaluable for finding out what people are talking about right now.  Used in conjunction with Technorati, it’s nearly impossible to not know what’s going on on the Internet.

#13 - IMDB - I’m a movie fanatic and can’t get enough trivia, goofs, quotes and production information. Luckily, the Internet Movie Database has all this information all in one place.  No need to visit any other movie site.

#12 -  LastFM - I’m also a huge fan of music, especially underground hip hop which has very little aggregated information online.  Enter LastFM.  The IMDB of music, this site will give you all the information you will ever need on your favorite artists, as well as rank their songs based on plays in the LastFM community.  Looking for more great music by an artist?  Check their page out here and you’ll find all you need.

#11 - Mashable - I consider myself an expert on what is commonly referred to as Web 2.0.  Not only am I addicted to researching, using and trying to make these new sites better, I am constantly creating ideas for my own sites.  Without Mashable, it would take me months longer to do much of the research I do as they are the king of information concerning the social Internet.  If you like social networks or sites that allow you to participate, you owe it to yourself to check this site out.

#10 - Problogger - The site that gave me the courage and inspiration to become a full-time blogger myself.  Darren, who runs this site is widely regarded as THE Pro Blogger on the Internet and offers valuable information on how and why you should be blogging, even to the point of making it your career.  I don’t read it as much as I used to because I have a pretty solid understanding and insight of blogging myself, but it’s still a go to source for blogging information.  Excellent.

#9 - StumbleUpon - This site continues to become more and more invaluable for my needs.  Think channel surfing for the Internet and you’ll have a good idea about what this site is about.  Again, I don’t visit the site much anymore because of their wonderful toolbar that does most of the work without having to go to the site, but as an application, it’s a Godsend.  It’s also the perfect tool for marketing your blog if you have one.

#8 - Amazon - Everyone knows about Amazon.  What everyone doesn’t know is how much I use this service.  The largest store in the world is also my favorite.  I shop in the real world less and less every year thanks to their ease of shopping, great recommendations and fast shipping.  If you’ve ever gotten a gift from me, it most likely came from Amazon.

#7 - Youtube - Another great site that most people should know about by now.  As a marketer, it is becoming more important to me as time goes on.  In 2008, I look forward to creating my own videos and participating on this site much more. I’ve also got blogs that rely solely on Youtube videos that bring in some extra cash every month.  Thanks Youtube!

#6 - DoshDosh - Very likely my favorite blog, far more so than even my own.  If you are interested in making money online whatsoever, this blog is for you.  The articles are deeper than those you will find anywhere else, and Maki’s writing style simply inspires you to try out his advice on your own.  His blog has won many awards in the past couple of months and is less than a year old, but I have the feeling there are Internet marketers (including myself) who swear by this guy. Lots of great anime pics too!

#5 - del.icio.us - I bookmark on average, 25 sites a day.  Without an application to organize all these links, I don’t know how I would ever get anything done.  I’m also a huge fan of web applications that allow you to access your information, in this case your bookmarks, from any computer.  That means I can go to someone else’s house and basically turn their computer into mine in less than a minute.   My absolute favorite Yahoo service nowadays.  If you are an information junkie like myself, a social bookmarking site like this is mandatory.

#4 - Wikipedia - This site has fast become the go to source for information across the Internet.  Not much needs to be said about it.  When I need information about a certain topic, I almost always start at Wikipedia and jump down the rabbit hole from there.

#3 - craigslist -  As a marketing professional, I’m highly interested in advertising.  As a business owner, I’m equally interested.  In either role, my first start is with craigslist.  You can target any community you want and any group in that community.  It’s not the highest converting source of traffic, but used correctly, it can be a small business owners best friend.  No need to even mention the other valuable services on this site like finding housing, jobs, friends/dates, events and even plain entertainment (rants and raves anyone?).

#2 - Google - Every time I check my web history in my Google account, I am absolutely stunned at how much I use this search engine.  Not one day a month goes by where I don’t make AT LEAST 100 searches, and my monthly number is usually pretty close to 5000.  I’m an information junkie, highly curious and inquisitive and yes, addicted to the targeted results Google returns each and every time.  In addition, I’m a near daily user of some of their other services like Trends, GMail (by far the best e-mail service on the planet), Analytics, AdWords (spend money), AdSense (make money), Maps and more.  I’d put Google #1 if I used iGoogle, but I don’t because…

#1 - Netvibes - My absolute favorite and necessary website on the Internet.  It amazes me that just about no one else I know, at least in real life, don’t use this application.  Not only is the best feed reader on the planet, it’s also the best start page by far.  So many other sites could make this list, but Netvibes makes them less important for the simple fact that I no longer need to go to them.  As my front page, I can check my GMail, read my favorite 150 or so blogs, store all my bookmarks, perform Google searches, view my calendar, keep to-do lists, take notes, update my address book, use all 3 of my standard instant messengers and create full tabs on any subject I wish (perfect for keeping tabs on new clients and competitors alike).  Add the fact you can sign in to all this from any computer in the world, and well, there is really no web site in its class in my opinion.  Absolutely pivotal to my online experience.

Well, there you have it.  As you can see, I’m into saving time, performing valuable marketing research, keeping up with the state of the Internet, accessing my favorite entertainment information, anything that will increase the efficiency of my business and the progress of web applications.  These sites won’t be valuable for everyone, but if you are into any of these things, this list should be perfect for you.  Either way, there should be at least one new site you can’t live without on this list, so check them out and let me know what you think.

My 2008 Resolutions

With three days left in the year, I thought it would be a good idea to get my New Year’s Resolutions out in the open, a technique I’ve found helps increase the likelihood that I actually keep them. My resolutions are really my goals for the year, and so I really look for motivation and inspiration to reach them anywhere I can find it. In 2006, I set 10 resolutions and kept only 4 of them. In 2007, I posted my resolutions on my MySpace page and kept 8 of them!

2007 Resolutions:

1. Start business - Started Prevail PR in January and got my license in June
2. Get half custody of my daughter - Was rewarded 50% legal and physical custody of my daughter
3. Join SLO Chamber of Commerce - Joined the Chamber in November
4. Write more - Wrote for at least 6 blogs and published over 300 posts
5. Get book review partnerships - Received one book for review and agreed on another soon to arrive
6. Volunteer - Spent 40+ hours volunteering in Sinsheimer Elementary classrooms
7. Finish a class I quit years ago - I can’t stand loose ends, so I finally finished the class during the summer
8. Go home more - I only visited home once in 2006, but took trips back 6 times in 2007, including twice with my daughter
9. Build a team to start incubator business - I met with several people, but sadly nothing ever materialized with this resolution
10. Start Yourica - Yourica is a project I have been working on for awhile, but don’t have the talent or resources to launch on my own. At this stage, the project is still just a huge folder of research

Not bad, but still room for improvement. This year, I hope to reach all 10, a feat which will drastically improve my already blissful life.

2008 Resolutions:

1. Take all 3 of my daughters home together - I have never had the opportunity to take two of my three daughters back home with me and can’t wait to do so
2. Become active in the Chamber - I have slowly been getting more comfortable “schmoozing”, so this year I hope to take things a step further and join a committee or take part in speaker meetings
3. Get 3+ blogs in the Alexa top 250,000 - I briefly had 2 of my blogs in the top 300,000 (Prevail, Dadviser), but now I want to get at least 3 of my blogs strongly into the top 250,000 and beyond
4. Buy a car - I’m still not entirely convinced I need one, but with the added responsibilities in my life, this year looks like the year I finally go back to full time driving
5. Pay off at least 25% of debt - I haven’t had a job in 15 months and starting your own company isn’t cheap. My financial situation isn’t pretty, but with the power to create own income now, I expect to start paying off the debts I’ve incurred over the last 2 years
6. Start blog network and classes - One of the new ventures I’ll be spending a large amount of time on this year will be teaching others how to blog. Most of the groundwork is done, all that is left is to launch and optimize
7. Find business partners - The reason I didn’t reach all 10 of my resolutions in 2007 was that I failed to find qualified business partners. This year I hope to make up for that
8. Make networking a priority - I’ve always been an introvert and uninterested in networking, but with the start of my own business and many blogs, it has become painfully obvious how important networking is
9. Start and disseminate local newsletter - I started the website for Here And Now News, but the important part is still to come. I’m aiming for a mid-January launch
10. Get at least 1 new client every month of the year - Reaching this last resolution will be a dream come true and bring me that much closer to making many of my other dreams come true

I know I always say this year is going to be the best, but I haven’t really been wrong yet, so here goes again — 2008 is going to be the best year of my life. I have learned so much over the last 2.5 years since moving back to San Luis Obispo, and after a year of practicing what I’ve learned, now is the time to start mastering the things I’ve learned and helping as many people as possible improve their lives.

One of the best ways to improve your life is to set lofty goals and spending your time trying to reach them. Even better, post them in a public place where everyone can see them and you can’t help but try your best to reach them.

Good luck and Happy New Year everyone!

Business Opportunities Abound

Starting my own business has been one of the most rewarding and educational experiences of my life. I’m not exactly striking it rich, yet, but the things I have learned have made me wealthier mindwise. The past two years have seen me give up on having a normal job, need a normal job more than I’ve ever needed one before in my life, give up on a normal job again and back. It’s been exhausting, regardless of the constant 10-16 hour days. One thing that is for sure though, is that when you are enterprising and keep an enterprising mindstate, opportunities do come knocking.

I’ve recently launched a local promotion for my company Prevail PR, and expect some really exciting things to come out of it by year’s end. I’m also in the process of creating my very own local newsletter for downtown SLO, a move which in time I expect will earn rave reviews as well as an additional ad revenue stream for Prevail. Both Prevail and the newsletter are being run with a definite eye towards the future, possibly to be branched out into their own franchsises or at least parts of each business being franchised.

I’ve also got my hands in some other blogs that I’m looking at spinning off into their own blog network, another move that if executed correctly, can have terrific benefits for all involved. I’m still in the very long process of finding and building a team to start work on NQBAIT, a service that would truly be my dream job for the next decade or so. In the next week or so, I should be securing two new accounts for Prevail that may very well be the two biggest clients I’ve ever had and that could really help put my company on the map. It is going to take a lot of dedication and hard work, but there are so many opportunities involved with each of them, they will be getting the very most out of me.

Lastly, I have great friends that have also become quite enterprising individuals on their own. Jonas and I are inquiring into the possibilities of joint venturing with African tour guides to handle their marketing, something that will take us from local to international businessmen. Jonas also has another great opportunity for us, but I can’t quite comment on this one yet. If you are interested in fronting some start up money, however, please contact me ASAP and I will go over some of the details with you. It’s pretty exciting stuff.

Jerry is taking his first foray into the world of Internet marketing, and hopefully together, we can take some big steps in helping both of us secure our roles as work-at-home-fathers (Myla is so #$@%ing cute by the way).  Internet marketing is never an easy thing to do, but with some insight, a little bit of cash and luck, and the right keywords, hopefully we’ll be brigning Jerry home very soon.

I’ve probably got another 15-20 projects of my own on the sideburner right now and a few others from friends and family that aren’t quite serious enough to take any action yet, but in these days where talks of recession are more prevelant than those of opportunity, I just wanted to show you all that if you keep your mind’s open, you can actually become recession proof.  As always, if you have some technical, marketing or creative background or have an idea you need help with, stop procrastinating and get ahold of me.  (I’m talking to you, Public Defendaz!)

Does opportunity really knock if no one is there to answer the door?

Want To Win $10,000 For Your Great Idea?

Got a great idea you’ve been hording in your head, doing nothing about because you don’t have the cash to do anything about it?  Well here is your chance to put your idea in motion.  IdeaBlob, a pretty creative site launched by credit card company Advanta, is offering $10,000 to the winner of their monthly idea contest.  The idea is simple.  Register your name and e-mail address, submit an idea, fill out the necessary fields in the form and wait for other’s to realize how awesome your idea is and give it the thumbs up vote.

This site is only going to get more popular over time, so your best chance of winning is to join now and give your idea a headstart.  Your idea is eligible to win every month is remains posted, but votes are cleared at the beginning of each month.  If you happen to stop by and don’t submit your own idea, please feel free to give me a thumbs up and hopefully if my idea wins, it can help make your idea become reality some day soon.

For you marketers out there, take notice of how a good contest idea can even place a credit card company in a positive light.

Things In Common Vs. Moving In A Common Direction

Many of the articles I write on this site will delve deeply into my thoughts on certain topics of controversy, conflicting emotions and progressive insight. One common thread with these articles is that they will pit two prevailing ideas against each other and I will defend the one I believe to be the better way. I’m not going to apologize for any of the views I express here, but if you have any disagreements or just want to flame me in the comments, please feel free.

First up is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, so I want to write this one while it’s fresh in my mind…

From my time on this earth and the relationships I’ve built and lost, I’ve come to realize that most people build relationships with people they have things in common with, that are in many ways, like themselves.

That desire, I think, is partially built into our genes, but with the advent of the mass media and the efficiency of pop culture, we are now seeing quite possibly the largest scale of herd mentality ever known. I could go on and on about my thoughts on the sheep-like behavior of contemporary societies (and probably be wrong ), but this article isn’t meant to be a diatribe against people that seek “commonness”. Indeed it is more meant to explore the other side and maybe gain a few supporters along the way.

To begin with, there is an almost ritual history behind each of us that supports the idea that seeking commonness is bad. As we grow up, there is no one we are more like than our families, yet once that fact actually dawns on us around the time we are teenagers, we can’t be far enough away from our families. Of course, the “commonness” is so strong in this situation that we typically don’t leave our families forever, but I know there are more than a few of you out there that despise family get togethers because of the drama that inevitably unfolds.

Once we are in full blown rebel mode, our friends become all that matter, but who are these people? Almost always, they are the people that we see most like ourselves or that either do the things we do or the things we want to do. Years go by and we become more and more like these people until the group as a whole becomes the individual. Act out of the character you cornered yourself into, and you threaten the group. As we get a little older, this restriction on our personalities becomes intolerable and we drift away from the friends that at first became our family, yet ultimately became our prison.

Much like families, really good friends may not completely separate, but out of the 1-50 people you considered your BFF’s, only 1 and MAYBE 2 of them are going to play a prominent position in your life.

Why?

Because as the group grows apart, the individuals themselves grow in their own right. Since we based our relationship on “commonness”, the relationship dies when the common traits fade and the friend we thought we had “isn’t quite the same”. The 1 or 2 true friends we have, however, become even better friends because they embrace the newfound diversity between you instead of looking to replace the lost common bond.

Truthfully, we should celebrate when those we love grow to an extent that they aren’t the same (read: changed). We rob ourselves, grasping at the past, futilely trying to freeze time in place. Imagine taking the same class over and over or only doing things in life you are good at. Fortunately I excelled in school and was never exposed to the opportunity to take the same class over and over, but most people I associated with took the easiest class to pass, the ones their friends were in, or most likely, both. How boring, uninspiring and stagnating to everyone that knows you.

For many years of my life, I can admit I struggled trying to be the same me. I’m a stubborn Taurus and so many things in my life went exactly as planned, that it really helped me understand why people would want to keep things the same. It’s comfortable. It’s safe. It’s not going to let you down.

But it will ruin your life in the long run.

The vast majority of people that I see that are unhappy in life are unhappy for the one simple fact that they aren’t doing what they truly want to do or were born to do. They have no one to blame though, as they created their own leashes, but it’s never too late for any of us to change. It’s definitely not easy, but by cutting off the people that expect nothing from you, expect you not to expect anything from them, take the easy way whenever it presents itself and who associate with others in the exact same fashion, you free yourself. The hardest things in life are the most rewarding, and this is no exception.

It’s true. You are who you hang out with. Don’t get me wrong, just because I denounce chasing “the common”, doesn’t mean I don’t think you shouldn’t network with people in your industry or date people that like things you do. It just shouldn’t be the reason you feel comfortable enough to give someone else your time. I think I’ve already shown how that is a failed relationship model and in my estimate, the cause of at least half of the 50% of marriages that end in divorce within 3 years.

I’d say 3 years is about the average cycle in my life, meaning that even though deep down I’m the same person I was as a child, I change something drastic about myself every few years or so. How can two people expect to be together forever when they built their relationship on having things in common, yet there’s an obvious likelihood they won’t have those same things in common in a short 3 years? To me it’s such flawed thinking I don’t understand why it’s not more widely understood.

So what brings on this thought and where am I going with all this? As a single father, I’m extremely picky about who I bring around my kids, especially women since it’s my job to teach my 3 daughters what to expect from a man. Bringing a range of women around them isn’t in my plans, but there is one I have strong feelings for. On the surface, we have very little in common. I’m also often completely clueless to what’s going on, and that’s a huge part of why I think I’m drawn to her.

Perhaps as a person who seeks to master himself, I am drawn to her ability to expose my weaknesses. Recently she made a comment doubting our future because of this lack of similarities. I don’t usually rebut strong accusations like that because I like to think out my responses instead of reacting to them, so I let the comment pass.

Since it’s the Holidays, we haven’t seen much of each other, so I took the time to try and figure out why that comment became a fixture in my thoughts. After contemplating our lives, I began to notice some things started to make sense. It’s true, we don’t have much in common, but what we do have is a deep mutual care for each other (a necessary foundation of any relationship imo, though not sufficient enough on its own). The harder part to uncover however, was that we have similar dreams and hurdles we need to pass. Our pasts may not be that similar, but our futures surely will be in many ways.

It can be argued that having similar hurdles to pass requires having a common past and so my point is moot, but I disagree. There are a thousand ways you can grow up without a dad, get molested or abused, or hang out with the wrong crowd, etc. Again, maybe these issues are necessary to having similar dreams, but they are by no means sufficient on their own. Though we have a few similarities in our past, like a common taste in music and much of our lifestyle, she is right, we are completely different people. We almost couldn’t be more different.

To me, this is the glue of any relationship we may have in the future, not the doom of it.

Having a long list of things in common may be great for now, or if you are only interested in a 2-3 year relationship, but it’s not what keeps people together over the long haul. What keeps people together, happy and supportive of each other, is when they are moving in the same forward direction in life. I don’t mean this in the sense they both take photography classes together (though the right common hobby can keep people satisfied for years) and do everything together, I mean that they are both moving towards something bigger than themselves, such as raising a family, creating a foundation for a cause near to both of their hearts, possessing a mutual desire to just help the other be the best person they can be or even inspiring the other to be more honest with you than they are with themselves or anyone else.

Those types of things don’t wilt over time - actually they get stronger because when you build something mutually, you are losing more than just a mate, you are losing your ability to create the things you want to create in life. I have a family (kids), but not a day goes by where I don’t at least wonder what it would be like to have a wife AND kids. Some people will argue that this thinking is weak, but again I’d disagree.

What’s harder than giving up a part of yourself, supporting someone through everything, encouraging your partner to grow even if it means losing something in common, not allowing the word “quit” to enter your lexicon or growing in such a way each day that you make those around you want to give up their own comfort zones?

I’d dare say not much.

Many of us, myself included, hang out with people with a less than stellar integrity and character because it’s easier to give in than not, and it’s easier to hang out with people that aren’t going to give you a hard time for taking the easy route (sound like your parents?).

I know this because I live life as a friend to all, yet choose my friends wisely (again, a lesson I learned from not doing it right the first timeS). I prefer hanging out with me more than just about anyone else, but the people I do consider my very good friends force me to think differently about myself. They force change, whether they mean to or not. I’m a big fan of constructive criticism and encourage anyone that knows me to be completely frank with me. I’ve viewed my life from outside of myself for the majority of my life, so more than often I’m already aware of that which is being criticized, but even looking at ourselves from afar can’t shine light on every deficiency we have. It requires different perspectives.

Personally I’d rather not have a friend or lover if it meant restricting myself. To me, that’s not a gain, it’s a loss. I’ve been lucky to have made millions of mistakes in my life, but maintain the ability to not make the same ones repeatedly. I don’t even refer to them personally as mistakes, but for communications sake, we’ll call them that. With every mistake comes a solution for not only not making the mistake again, but how to grow from it. For instance, I’ve played the martyr in many of my romantic relationships, choosing to be with those that need help and giving up my own happiness in an effort to fix things.

As I’ve grown older however, that quality has evolved into fixing myself first (a process that admittedly will never truly end), not rushing into relationships and getting to understand a person’s motivations before ever becoming romantic and clouding the decision making process.

The solution to this problem was to work on me and learn to be happy with who I am instead of what I can do for people. The blueprint was to not rush into things and believe that if someone is important enough for you to want them in your life, there is no hurry. The growth was in the pudding, as I have taken more than two years off from relationships and still find myself in no hurry to get into one, at least not for the wrong reasons as usual.

The important thing is finding someone else, not who enjoys watching football, listening to a specific music or having the same hobby, but who has a common direction in life. Ironically, those things are the ones you shouldn’t have in common. They are in a sense, our lowest common denominators. The things people can see from across the room and think “I like that guy” because he’s a Colts fan, drinks Vodka Tonics or wears the type of clothes you like.

Commonalities are much like judging a book by its cover. Not only do they not truly reflect what that person is about, what happens when the cover is torn off? How do you define that person then?

I’ve been on both sides of this dilemma several times, again, thankfully because it’s allowed me to not be the old me. Even yesterday’s me is less than the one I am right now. Screw that guy

When I was younger, I was more often than not, rigid in my growth and probably bored some relationships out of my life. Now I’m on the other side of the fence, consistently outgrowing most of the people I come in contact with and being less than enthused with what they have to teach me in life (though I admit everyone has something to teach, but like anything else in life, you can’t wait around forever). Those few individuals that keep pace in their growth are the true gems of the world to me. Preferably, they are growing in different ways, as well, expanding their value even further.

Strangely, most of my “inner circle” are Tauruses. Strange for one, that unyielding Tauruses could congregate so much, but strange even more when put in context of this article. You’d think by my tone I’d only allow one of each type of person in my group, but I don’t believe that at all. The truth is that to me, Tauruses are highly dedicated, caring and driven people. Though I value those qualities so much (probably because they are my best qualities), they are necessary ones, but insufficient on their own. What makes these people so important to me is what they DO with those qualities.

One is a paramedic (a field I would NEVER get into ) and another is a top-level mortgage officer (another field I wouldn’t get into…where’s the creativity????). My grandfather, possibly my biggest hero in life, was also a Taurus, born the day after me. My “field” is marketing, but more accurately it’s personal development. Though I’m no longer the martyr I used to be, it’s still important to me to inspire others into greater futures.

What these people all have in common is not the stubbornness that others see on the surface, but the care and drive to make other peoples’ lives better. My grandfather moved his family to America to give them a better life even though it would take years of blood and sweat to get to that point. The paramedic is completely passionate about medical techniques that will save or improve the lives of others. The mortgage officer moved up the ranks all the way to top dog in a very short period of time because of his dedication to being sincere and understanding how to connect with people and earn their trust. I don’t share their interests, but our end goals are the same.

I have other friends, but they aren’t people I need in my life. Some I go to concerts with, some I play ball with or listen to music, some I discuss business ideas with, and still others I take trips with or enjoy a beer with. Those commonalities are comfortable, but as I get older, I’ve grown comfortable with the thought of doing all those things (and more) on my own and letting go of those that don’t expect far more from me, or at least inspire me to expect far more from them. Sadly, they are expendable, though I’ll give my time to anyone that sincerely wants it. Time is our most valuable resource we have in life, so I don’t regret living that way.

My time is important (though no more than anyone else’s) and the smart thing to do is to treat it as such. Why fill your life with fragments when you can build foundations? To me, having a friend or dating a woman because they have the same interests in life as me would be adding another fragment. My interests continually change and if theirs didn’t, I’d become annoying to them or tire of them.

It’s better to find the person you have nothing in common with except the most important things in life, like where they are headed and how they plan on getting there. The person that wants to get to that same position is the right person for you, not the one that everyone else marvels over the amount of things you have in common.

I may never get the chance to be with this certain person, but you can believe that if the topic of not having anything in common comes up again, I’ll be well prepared to answer the question thoroughly. Both of our lives need some work, but I see massive potential in each of us and have a calm knowing of what she wants in life despite the words she so deftly utters to mask her true persona, reinforcing her defenses. I truly think she wants the things I can give her but won’t let admitting it get in the way, though to me, her presence is her admission.

I love analyzing and getting to the bottom of things, but I know it takes time and the best way is to not force things. If she’s moving in the same direction as me, it will become apparent. Until then, I’ll keep hanging out with myself and a small group of others because they (we?) are moving in the same direction as I am even if were to dislike the games or music they play or how their tastes have matured, etc.

The best relationships are mutually beneficial, ones you don’t have to agree with much the other does, but you support sincerely anyway. That type of relationship doesn’t stop working. It’s built on shifting sands and it’s strength lies in its lack of solidity. The more flexible and tolerant we are as people, the better and harder to mold we become.

Relationships aren’t about control, yet the more things in common you have with others, the more control they have over you. The more predictable you become or you are expected to behave. You can’t display more potential than the other person because they’ll feel slighted that you aren’t “the same” anymore. They somehow “don’t even know you anymore”. I have a feeling that if you’ve ever said that to someone, you never truly knew them in the first place.

Humans tend to get comfortable in their routines, severely limiting the amount of stimulation they get out of life, but we are hard wired to gain stimulation from newness and unique experiences. Our firsts in life are the most thrilling moments of our lives and remain stained in our memories forever. A life or relationship that ceases to have firsts is one destined to be unsatisfying for those living it.

Life is also about adaptation and evolving, but a life of commonness doesn’t lend itself well to learning new things. Without learning, there is no growth. Without growth, only a slow, dull death. Relationships become obligations. Life uneventful.

One sure way to increase the level of happiness in your life is to choose your relationships more carefully. Instead of thinking about what you want right now, figure out what you are working towards in life and find people with common goals. When you fill your life with people that have similar goals in life as you do, you will find that you benefit each other greatly and that is all you need to have in common.  They say the beauty of life is in the journey, not the destination.  I agree, but would add that the things we don’t have in common make that journey even more beautiful.  By keeping an open mind, you may even find some new interests you had no idea about and further enrich your life.

Next Page »

• Topics

  • Epiphanies (3)
  • Fatherhood (1)
  • Lifestream (3)
  • Marketing (4)
  • News (3)
  • Personal Development (6)
  • Web 2.0 (4)

• Newest Content

  • 25 Web Sites I Can’t Live Without
  • My 2008 Resolutions
  • Business Opportunities Abound
  • Want To Win $10,000 For Your Great Idea?
  • Things In Common Vs. Moving In A Common Direction
  • Blogging
  • Life Is Fair

• Recent Comments

  • Things In Common Vs. Moving In A Common Direction | Aaron Emerson on My Favorite Girls

• Sites By sAJE

  • 1-Man-Brand
  • Dadviser
  • Here And Now News
  • Prevail PR

• Socialize!

  • Digg Me!
  • Flickr Fotos
  • Get LinkedIn!
  • My MyBlogLog
  • StumbleUpon Me!
  • Technorati Time!

• Tags

  alexia blogging business opportunities contest Epiphanies Fatherhood first post hip hop ideablob jessica life make money online moments movies music my daughters new years resolutions pandora shawna things in common

• FlickRSS

  

• Search

• Subscribe

  • Subscribe To Feed
  
  

  Enter your email address:

  Subscribe Via E-Mail

• Sponsors

  • Prevail PR - PRoblem Solved! Your Ad Here! Your Ad Here! Your Ad Here! Your Ad Here! Your Ad Here! Your Ad Here! Your Ad Here!

• Supporters